Like a Green Banana

That's about what I feel like these days. You go to Harris Teeter (because it's just always open, right? and usually pretty clean, and the cool "Check It Out" self-checkout things can be fun if you're not in a hurry, anyway, I'm getting off the topic...) and try to purchase some decent produce. I get into the produce section and what do I find? Green bananas. What am I supposed to do with green bananas? If God had intended for bananas to be crunchy, he would not have created apples. That fresh, bitter, unripened taste just does not do it for me. It's disgusting! Then, next to that shelf are the "discount" bananas. And these are no better! I like a soft banana, but these are a bit much. I pick up the thing and the banana slips out of the peel and splats on the floor. But of course, at least these bananas make for good pudding.

So, all that to say that I feel like a green banana. This day I feel just a bit like I'm still too young. I want to ripen and I want the circumstances around my life to ripen as well. I prayed for patience, and God has seen fit to give me the opportunity to develop it. James tells us in his 1st chapter, "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God,who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. (1:5-6, NASB)" So I have a hard time not doubting. I'm fine to ask, but I've prepared myself not to receive. I'm preparing for God to let me down. It's a shame. I look at things in my life, and I think about how impossible it seems sometimes for the things I pray for to come to fruition. God is calling me to let go of my inhibitions and to lean, to just fall into His grace. And I'm scared, because I might get hurt. And yet, God tells me to put that fear aside. To take on the fact that He is my refuge, a very present help in time of trouble.

I want to be ripe, but I don't want to ripen. I want the results without the process. I can be such a baby at times. And I really just want to eat a good banana now.