"Consider the lilies of the field...

They grow where they are put. Many of us refuse to grow where we are put, consequently we take root nowhere. Jesus says that if we obey the life God has given us, He will look after all the other things. Has Jesus Christ told us a lie? If we are not experiencing the "much more," it is because we are not obeying the life God has given us, we are taken up with confusing considerations. How much time have we taken up worrying God with questions when we should have been absolutely free to concentrate on His work? Consecration means the continual separating of myself to one particular thing. We cannot consecrate once and for all. Am I continually separating myself to consider God every day of my life?" -- OC

What do you do when you pray for God to give you direction and He responds, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."? How do you respond when you are trying to plan out where you'll be in six months and He says, "Live this day well." What can you say when you're really wondering what it's all about (definitely NOT the hokey pokey), how everything is going to work out, what you'll do for money, and even the basic question of who you are and He declares, "I AM."?

I've been wrestling with the answers to these questions for a couple of weeks now. I am so scared of what's to come. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of having to run back to TN for money because I can't get a job or get into seminary. I'm afraid that my faith will fail--I've seen God work miracles in my life and others', but it's so hard to take each day as it comes. I want to know. I want to know what will come. What's next? Can I settle down for a bit? Should I prepare to move again? Do I need to waste my time making new friends if I'm just going to be gone in a few months anyway?

Now, this is very raw stuff. Of course I wouldn't be "wasting" time by making new friends, however short that friendship may be. Some of the shortest friendships that I've had in life are the most profound. It really doesn't matter how profound or how dull they are anyway--I'm a part of the family of God and taking part of the fellowship of His children is a blessing and a treasure stored up in my heart. The loneliness of being single, or being married, or anything in between, can be destroyed by the love of God and His children.

I guess sometimes I get impatient, and I need reminders that every day is new. I saw someone I knew today outside of the Music Building. As I saw them, I played up a conversation in my head (this is how my mind works, although I don't think that I am THAT odd...anyway...) and I imagined myself responding to the traditional "How are you?" with an honest "Not that well, actually" and then tacking on a "But today is a beautiful day, and I am thankful for the beauty of the earth." Because, yeah, I was rushed a little bit this morning and I am kind of frustrated with school and feel like I'm behind and not comprehending everything in my philosophy class and struggling with all kinds of stumbling blocks that get in the way of my relationships with God and family and friends old and new but--

It is a beautiful day. I thank God for the time that I've been given, the songs in my heart, the music I can create in others, and the joy of a knowledge that this world is not my home. I will consecrate myself this day and live it well. Thanks be to God.