Fighting through Fear and Philosophy

Well, unless God wills otherwise, it doesn't look like I'm headed to seminary for the Fall. I was pretty excited after visiting--what a loving and uplifting environment. I'm sure some would disagree, but it was nice to be able to (at least partially) let my guard down and be very open with people about how God was working in my life through academia and through music. UNCG frowns upon that kind of sharing. And, who knows? I'm still going to finish my application and send it in (I'm just waiting on a pastor's reference) and may pursue seminary in the Spring or even next year. So, if not seminary, then what, Lord? That's what I've been asking as of late. I know that I need to start saving up some money and it would be nice to have a real job, even if it has no benefits. Right now is really not a good time to be looking for a job, and I would really not prefer to work at Macaroni Grill for the next however long. I could make money, which would be nice, but I wouldn't really be using my God-given talents in music. Singing "Happy Birthday" in Italian is not really making a wise investment of such talents.

My philosophy class here at UNCG has also got me thinking. I've been told that I need to seek what the value of music is outside of the context of worship. There are some works that are very explicitly secular, and so what is their value as music? Obviously it's not worship, at least not for everyone. The only problem that I have is that you can't get outside of God. Music can be outside of worship, I'll definitely buy that, but the only place you can escape God is Hell. Psalm 139 certainly attests to that. I've also started reading Colossians (which is another book of which I've forgotten the incredible writing!). Paul says, "For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." (1:16-17) I'm working through this idea of the value of music and how really everything that we as humans try to create or imitate is just a distortion of one of the attributes of God. So, even something as secular as, say, Orff's "Carmina Burana" is just a distortion of God's mysteries of love and abundance. So, I'm just not sure how to get at that in my paper. We will see in the coming weeks.

I would appreciate prayer as I begin searching for a job that would be in music. The school systems are not all that great at this point, and music teachers are perhaps not the most sought-after educators anyway. I should have gone into math. Math teachers are always needed. Oh, sarcasm, how you plague my personality. A happy weekend is upon us. Comp study and weddings represent the stresses and joys with which life is filled. Please grant me patience.