Anyway, so, the semester is almost over. It's been pretty hectic since I got back from Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was pretty nice--I got to see some family and most of it was not that awkward. We decided as a family that we were going to try to actively engage one another (I've been reading too much Emergent literature) in dialogical activites. I think the first step (and we all agreed) is to just go out and do things as a family. Bowling was suggested. Now, it may seem weird that my family is having this discussion. At least to my recollection, we were never the type to break out the board games or sit around and watch movies together. Oh, we have in the past (more movies than board games), but it never seems to be a priority. We're no Rauschers, that's for sure.
Aside from all that jazz, school is almost over this semester, and really this degree is almost complete. One more semester and I'll have my master's degree. Yes, I will then be addressed as "Master Haggard." I think it's only appropriate. I remember the Xanga days of wondering what to do after completing my Bachelor's, oh so long ago. I can put off the real world no longer, I must seek a job. I'm not sure what to do, though. I'm looking into several things, including seminary (talk about putting off the real world), finding a paying church job, private school teacher, traveling musician and teacher (this is actually looking like the most promising at the moment), and other such nonsense related to music. I wouldn't mind spending some time professionally researching some interesting aspects of music. People have to sponsor you, though, and you usually have to have credibility and maybe even a real job. So I suppose I will wait and do what I can from my laptop.
I am finishing up a semester long project/presentation/paper on Lili Boulanger (1893-1918). She was 24 when she died. I'm 24 right now. She's considered the "foremost woman composer in music history." I'm not even close to anything like that. In fact, I had a dream last night that I was singing in a performance of her setting of Psalm 130. What a gorgeous piece. I mean like, just weeping all over the keyboard gorgeous. Right now, and I am discussing this in my paper, there's a debate over her identity, which is kind of odd. Some want to say she was this angelic figure, child genius who through the grace of God accomplished all that she did, in spite of her constant illness. Some say she was this conniving feminist who "played the game" to succeed where her sister, Nadia, failed to win the Prix de Rome (Lili was the first woman to win it in music, btw). Others say she was kind of a mix. Others say she was this mystic who was obsessed with the number 13. Who really knows for sure? Next the year all of her documents and correspondence will be released, and I hope that perhaps I may get a chance to look at them. Of course, I'll probably need to learn French and have to sweet talk a bunch of old lady feminists, but we'll see.
As soon as I'm done with this paper, I'm going to start applying for jobs. Whoo! I'd love to hear from you all soon. If I don't, Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I'm out
I officially am at a loss as how to reconcile my faith and my politics. With the Democrats, I cannot bow down and allow the state to legislate love. Because, in essence, you can't. I do admire their fight to provide "rights" (which are not really rights at all) for the less fortunate. I think that's cool. I think it's a good thing to take care of the earth. I think it's always great to question something like war, because you can easily get carried away into murdering the innocent. War is always a horrible thing. It's an act of justice, and not so much mercy (although this is debatable). However, I can't move on the abortion issue. There are so many things wrong with the argument. Forgiveness is a great thing, but one must also pay the consequences of one's decision. The alternative is not an option. I've been reading (can you tell?) a book called "Jesus for President." Now, it's not a bad book, but it is very pacifistic, which may not necessarily be a bad thing. However, they brought up this argument for abortion (paraphrased):
You have to have a consistency in your ideas of "pro-life." Meaning you can't be pro-life and support the death penalty and war but be against abortion. If you are going to be against abortion, or "pro-life," you have to be willing to take responsibility for people's mistakes. You have to be willing to take in that baby that nobody wants.
Now, these are certainly some good things to consider. I agree, we should step up and be willing to bear another's burdens for the sake of the life of the child. However, HOWEVER, the alternative of saying, "No, I'm not ready to bear the burden, so I guess we will just have to kill it," is NOT an option. Even if I were the most hateful, unforgiving person in the world who preached up and down that all abortionists were going to Hell, it would still be wrong to turn to the alternative of killing the unborn.
With the Republicans, I have much sympathy. I was raised this way, and many, many people I hold dear to my heart are of this persuasion. I admire the moral values that Republicans push, although they may not always take them to heart. I do like less government involvement, because I think it is the Church's responsibility to step up and start caring for the poor and people who need help. Christ commanded as such. However, I am no longer a fan of the economic policies. I think it is ok to tax the rich. *Gasp* I am a supporter of the FairTax, though, which taxes what people spend, and not what they earn. Some Republicans, like Mike Huckabee, were of this thought. Not all of them are, though. The Republicans don't always offer solutions to the problems of the people. The "invisible hand" of Adam Smith is really not so invisible. It's my hand, it's your hand. Somebody has to bear the burden, and I'm willing to step up and be the Church to people. I think the Republicans sometimes allow greed to overtake them in an effort to sustain capitalism. I think perhaps this war in Iraq has gotten out of hand. Although I may not have acted as Obama will, it will be good to stop bloodshed, if only for a moment. It may prove to be worse in the long run, but let us pray for peace, as nations and as individuals, so that pre-emptive war may not be necessary in the future.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to vote. I want to move away and be a nomadic Christian, wandering the world as it's not my home anyway. I have to make this disclaimer though: I am young; I am single; I have no children; no one relies on me to support their daily existence. I pray that God show me how to be holy in a culture so different in many aspects, but also the same in other aspects, than the culture in which Christ lived.
You have to have a consistency in your ideas of "pro-life." Meaning you can't be pro-life and support the death penalty and war but be against abortion. If you are going to be against abortion, or "pro-life," you have to be willing to take responsibility for people's mistakes. You have to be willing to take in that baby that nobody wants.
Now, these are certainly some good things to consider. I agree, we should step up and be willing to bear another's burdens for the sake of the life of the child. However, HOWEVER, the alternative of saying, "No, I'm not ready to bear the burden, so I guess we will just have to kill it," is NOT an option. Even if I were the most hateful, unforgiving person in the world who preached up and down that all abortionists were going to Hell, it would still be wrong to turn to the alternative of killing the unborn.
With the Republicans, I have much sympathy. I was raised this way, and many, many people I hold dear to my heart are of this persuasion. I admire the moral values that Republicans push, although they may not always take them to heart. I do like less government involvement, because I think it is the Church's responsibility to step up and start caring for the poor and people who need help. Christ commanded as such. However, I am no longer a fan of the economic policies. I think it is ok to tax the rich. *Gasp* I am a supporter of the FairTax, though, which taxes what people spend, and not what they earn. Some Republicans, like Mike Huckabee, were of this thought. Not all of them are, though. The Republicans don't always offer solutions to the problems of the people. The "invisible hand" of Adam Smith is really not so invisible. It's my hand, it's your hand. Somebody has to bear the burden, and I'm willing to step up and be the Church to people. I think the Republicans sometimes allow greed to overtake them in an effort to sustain capitalism. I think perhaps this war in Iraq has gotten out of hand. Although I may not have acted as Obama will, it will be good to stop bloodshed, if only for a moment. It may prove to be worse in the long run, but let us pray for peace, as nations and as individuals, so that pre-emptive war may not be necessary in the future.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to vote. I want to move away and be a nomadic Christian, wandering the world as it's not my home anyway. I have to make this disclaimer though: I am young; I am single; I have no children; no one relies on me to support their daily existence. I pray that God show me how to be holy in a culture so different in many aspects, but also the same in other aspects, than the culture in which Christ lived.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Because sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut...
Boy, circumstances sure can be difficult at times. Not necessarily in my own life, because it is a blessed life that I lead. I don't always understand why God does not choose to judge me here and now to give justice for undeserved luxuries within which I dwell. Christ died to make a way for me to overcome Hell, and I grasp that (as much as one can with such human comprehension). I sometimes wish my own conscience and my own standards for living (which I don't live up to on a daily basis) would be satisfied. God doesn't call us to our wills, though. Many times the standards we set can get in the way of God's own holy standards that he set so many years ago.
Bear with me as I recover from that last tangent. My brother and I had a conversation a couple of days ago, and the issue of our "rights" came up. What is a right? I know I say it quite a bit. It's used in politics very often. I recall the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." (http://www.ushistory.org/) And yes, it does say "unalienable," not "inalienable," I checked. It's a powerful statement. One that perhaps many would take offense to in our modern America. Nonetheless, I go back to my original question: What is a right? Well, according to our good friends Merriam and Webster, one definition of a right that I find most interesting is this: "something that one may properly claim as due" (http://www.m-w.com/). A right can be defined as something that somebody or everybody OWES us. We DESERVE these rights. Right? Okay, well, back to the Declaration--unalienable: "incapable of being alienated, surrendered, or transferred." (http://www.m-w.com/) Now that is just fascinating.
Now, it's true that perhaps Jefferson did not mean EXACTLY what those definitions spell out. However, it seems to me that (at the very least, one person) some feel that they in fact DO have a claim, a due to their own lives that God owes them (is it not He that gave us these lives in the first place?) that they cannot deny because these claims to our own lives are INCAPABLE of being surrendered. There is no choice in the matter. Do you think I'm looking too much into this? Because I'm not sure that I buy that argument, if indeed that is what you are arguing. This idea of being born with "rights."
Do I believe God bestowed upon me the desire for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Yes, I do. I agree with Jefferson; I agree with Jefferson to the extent that these rights are only satisfied in Christ. God created us with a chance for new life in Him. God granted us liberty, we screwed it up, and then He gave it to us again with Christ (the law of liberty). Happiness can be pursued the world over and can only be found, CAN ONLY BE FOUND in God. Anything else you find that has a fleeting happiness is merely a distorted reflection of its Creator.
So, my very good friend(s), what does it come to in the end? I question your self-interest. I ask, what do I truly owe you? Do you have the right to make your own decisions? Sure, go ahead. Do you have the right to make these decisions regardless of the consequences? Well, I may try to persuade you, but it is your decision to make. Do you have the right to make decisions that do come with consequences, some you may even abhor, and then claim another right to abdicate them in the same breath? NO. No, my friend, you do not. Make your decisions, but then be prepared to accept the consequences. Otherwise, don't make such bad decisions. This is how we learn. THIS IS HOW WE LEARN. I feel like a Baptist preacher--I've got to say things like five times before you get the full effect. CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?!?!
No, I don't want an amen. I just want consideration. Please consider the effects your decisions have. Please consider that although you may have "unalienable Rights," other people have them as well. Your rights don't nullify someone else's. If we even have rights to begin with....
Christ said, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." To the rich man (who thought he had kept the whole law), Christ said, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." (NASB) Christ tells us to lay down our rights, to lay down everything and to come, follow Him. To throw down our own selfish ambitions, our own desires, our own natural and seemingly quintessential needs, and instead pick up a rugged cross and follow Him all the way to Calvary and on to Heaven. If you claim Christ, you have to let Him claim you. It's so hard to do this. It's so hard to stick to the path Christ paved. Make sure the things that make it so hard, like your pride, aren't still being carried. Let it go, and let the love of God supply the needs and desires you thought impossible to fulfill.
Bear with me as I recover from that last tangent. My brother and I had a conversation a couple of days ago, and the issue of our "rights" came up. What is a right? I know I say it quite a bit. It's used in politics very often. I recall the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." (http://www.ushistory.org/) And yes, it does say "unalienable," not "inalienable," I checked. It's a powerful statement. One that perhaps many would take offense to in our modern America. Nonetheless, I go back to my original question: What is a right? Well, according to our good friends Merriam and Webster, one definition of a right that I find most interesting is this: "something that one may properly claim as due" (http://www.m-w.com/). A right can be defined as something that somebody or everybody OWES us. We DESERVE these rights. Right? Okay, well, back to the Declaration--unalienable: "incapable of being alienated, surrendered, or transferred." (http://www.m-w.com/) Now that is just fascinating.
Now, it's true that perhaps Jefferson did not mean EXACTLY what those definitions spell out. However, it seems to me that (at the very least, one person) some feel that they in fact DO have a claim, a due to their own lives that God owes them (is it not He that gave us these lives in the first place?) that they cannot deny because these claims to our own lives are INCAPABLE of being surrendered. There is no choice in the matter. Do you think I'm looking too much into this? Because I'm not sure that I buy that argument, if indeed that is what you are arguing. This idea of being born with "rights."
Do I believe God bestowed upon me the desire for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Yes, I do. I agree with Jefferson; I agree with Jefferson to the extent that these rights are only satisfied in Christ. God created us with a chance for new life in Him. God granted us liberty, we screwed it up, and then He gave it to us again with Christ (the law of liberty). Happiness can be pursued the world over and can only be found, CAN ONLY BE FOUND in God. Anything else you find that has a fleeting happiness is merely a distorted reflection of its Creator.
So, my very good friend(s), what does it come to in the end? I question your self-interest. I ask, what do I truly owe you? Do you have the right to make your own decisions? Sure, go ahead. Do you have the right to make these decisions regardless of the consequences? Well, I may try to persuade you, but it is your decision to make. Do you have the right to make decisions that do come with consequences, some you may even abhor, and then claim another right to abdicate them in the same breath? NO. No, my friend, you do not. Make your decisions, but then be prepared to accept the consequences. Otherwise, don't make such bad decisions. This is how we learn. THIS IS HOW WE LEARN. I feel like a Baptist preacher--I've got to say things like five times before you get the full effect. CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?!?!
No, I don't want an amen. I just want consideration. Please consider the effects your decisions have. Please consider that although you may have "unalienable Rights," other people have them as well. Your rights don't nullify someone else's. If we even have rights to begin with....
Christ said, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me." To the rich man (who thought he had kept the whole law), Christ said, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." (NASB) Christ tells us to lay down our rights, to lay down everything and to come, follow Him. To throw down our own selfish ambitions, our own desires, our own natural and seemingly quintessential needs, and instead pick up a rugged cross and follow Him all the way to Calvary and on to Heaven. If you claim Christ, you have to let Him claim you. It's so hard to do this. It's so hard to stick to the path Christ paved. Make sure the things that make it so hard, like your pride, aren't still being carried. Let it go, and let the love of God supply the needs and desires you thought impossible to fulfill.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
"Oh, you're single? What a tragedy!"
Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians, after explaining some pitfalls and concessions of marriage:
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion..." (this next part talks about marriage/divorce of believers and unbelievers, an important topic but not entirely relevant to this post) "...Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord's freedman; likewise he who wa scalled while free, is Christ's slave. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not posess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things fo the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the thing sof the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 5:7-9, 18-40)
This is a tough passage of Scripture. Obviously, a good portion of this Paul talks about "[his] opinion." It's one of the few times that I can actually see myself arguing with Paul, as he admits his bias and uses it in his language (v. 37 especially). Sure, we have to take into account that Paul is kind of on his own personal soapbox here. We also have to consider the cultural stipulations in this context (the fathers giving away their virgin daughters and such). Obviously, the church in Corinth was having some issues with this topic. So how do I approach it? Well, I really don't know. One thing is for sure: I can't ignore it; I can't just toss this particular passage away. Admittedly, Paul "also [has] the Spirit of God." None can deny. So, what then? How do I apply these tidbits from a guy genuinely interested in my well-being (as a member of the universal church)?
Well, I'll tell you this much. It seems as though I go home for a week, and now a new standard has been set. When I would talk to my mom on the phone it used to be: 1) How's school?, 2) How's your health?, and 3) How's the finances?. Well, they're all ok, but number 4 has now been added: 4) What about that girl?. Well, folks, there is no girl, and then the follow up questions come. Oh, there could be a girl. I've had several offers, though most were not directly from the female in question. My guess is that yes, there could be a girl, but probably not for very long. Ah, well. I suppose I'm just venting some frustrations. If I had a son (whoa, slow down) I'd probably say the same things. "So, son, failed to woo a woman, eh?" That's exactly what I'd say. I guess my parents are just nice about it.
I do think a lifetime of celibacy is a gift. I think a lifetime of marriage is a gift. I think grace is an amazing gift. I think every single day, every breath in which my intercostals pull back and forth on my ribcage allowing air to rush in and out of my lungs is a gift. However, like so many gifts, I'm not sure that everyone who has it knows it. I'm also not sure that, just like everything else, you have to be 100% sure (or even 37%, for that matter) if you want to prepare for that kind of life. By the way, what is the difference between preparing for singlehood and preparing for marriage? How does that differ from constantly seeking God through the Word and loving other people? If it's alright with everyone, I'm going to work on my other issues (you have MORE?), like living my faith out through works, as James suggests. If marriage does come up anytime soon (and please don't get me wrong, I really would love to share my life with a woman who is after God's heart, I have no fleshly desire to be single, and if I've got "the gift" I am completely unaware), I'll pull out my Joshua Harris books once again (if anyone is prepared for courtship, I better be number 1) and try that whole thing once again. Well, with that said, I'll leave you with the thoughts of Rich Mullins (I don't think he realized that he had "the gift" either):
"It's one of the things I love about being single, everybody always goes, 'Oh, you're single? What a tragedy!' And I'm kind of like, 'Well, yeah, you know, from about 10-2 every evening it is a tragedy, but that time is a tragedy for most married people as well.' One of the great advantages of being single is you can still pick up hitchhikers. If you're married, you don't wanna get, you know, slit or anything, so you gotta, cause you got a family to support. If you're single and you die it doesn't really matter, so you're free to do anything you want to do. I love that!"
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion..." (this next part talks about marriage/divorce of believers and unbelievers, an important topic but not entirely relevant to this post) "...Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord's freedman; likewise he who wa scalled while free, is Christ's slave. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not posess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things fo the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the thing sof the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 5:7-9, 18-40)
This is a tough passage of Scripture. Obviously, a good portion of this Paul talks about "[his] opinion." It's one of the few times that I can actually see myself arguing with Paul, as he admits his bias and uses it in his language (v. 37 especially). Sure, we have to take into account that Paul is kind of on his own personal soapbox here. We also have to consider the cultural stipulations in this context (the fathers giving away their virgin daughters and such). Obviously, the church in Corinth was having some issues with this topic. So how do I approach it? Well, I really don't know. One thing is for sure: I can't ignore it; I can't just toss this particular passage away. Admittedly, Paul "also [has] the Spirit of God." None can deny. So, what then? How do I apply these tidbits from a guy genuinely interested in my well-being (as a member of the universal church)?
Well, I'll tell you this much. It seems as though I go home for a week, and now a new standard has been set. When I would talk to my mom on the phone it used to be: 1) How's school?, 2) How's your health?, and 3) How's the finances?. Well, they're all ok, but number 4 has now been added: 4) What about that girl?. Well, folks, there is no girl, and then the follow up questions come. Oh, there could be a girl. I've had several offers, though most were not directly from the female in question. My guess is that yes, there could be a girl, but probably not for very long. Ah, well. I suppose I'm just venting some frustrations. If I had a son (whoa, slow down) I'd probably say the same things. "So, son, failed to woo a woman, eh?" That's exactly what I'd say. I guess my parents are just nice about it.
I do think a lifetime of celibacy is a gift. I think a lifetime of marriage is a gift. I think grace is an amazing gift. I think every single day, every breath in which my intercostals pull back and forth on my ribcage allowing air to rush in and out of my lungs is a gift. However, like so many gifts, I'm not sure that everyone who has it knows it. I'm also not sure that, just like everything else, you have to be 100% sure (or even 37%, for that matter) if you want to prepare for that kind of life. By the way, what is the difference between preparing for singlehood and preparing for marriage? How does that differ from constantly seeking God through the Word and loving other people? If it's alright with everyone, I'm going to work on my other issues (you have MORE?), like living my faith out through works, as James suggests. If marriage does come up anytime soon (and please don't get me wrong, I really would love to share my life with a woman who is after God's heart, I have no fleshly desire to be single, and if I've got "the gift" I am completely unaware), I'll pull out my Joshua Harris books once again (if anyone is prepared for courtship, I better be number 1) and try that whole thing once again. Well, with that said, I'll leave you with the thoughts of Rich Mullins (I don't think he realized that he had "the gift" either):
"It's one of the things I love about being single, everybody always goes, 'Oh, you're single? What a tragedy!' And I'm kind of like, 'Well, yeah, you know, from about 10-2 every evening it is a tragedy, but that time is a tragedy for most married people as well.' One of the great advantages of being single is you can still pick up hitchhikers. If you're married, you don't wanna get, you know, slit or anything, so you gotta, cause you got a family to support. If you're single and you die it doesn't really matter, so you're free to do anything you want to do. I love that!"
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Reflections from a Tennessean turned North Carolinian on visiting Tennessee
My brother Kameron is a freshman at the University of Tennessee. That's a pretty tough statement to swallow. He's off going to class, taking harder classes than I'll ever have to take (ugh..chemistry...although he's never experienced graduate research methods...fun!). He is a nursing major from what I can tell, and he eventually wants to be that guy that puts you to sleep during surgery. From what we know, these people make some pretty good money. His first day was yesterday, and as I saw him on Facebook earlier, he survived. Hopefully I'll get his thoughts on college later. He let me walk around with him on campus this past Tuesday, and we had a pretty good time. I saw the buildings and some of the classrooms where he has class. Actually, his psychology class is where I auditioned at UT for an opera assistantship (I ended up staying at UNCG). His campus is much bigger than mine, so his adventures should be great, although most likely unsafe. But where is the adventure, truly yea, without the danger?
Saturday was the day we moved Kameron from tiny little Seymour to Clement Hall. It took us FOREVER to get checked in. We met Igor, the RA, and it took very little time to get all of Kam's stuff onto a cart and up into the room. We did have to wait a day und half for the elevators, but we showed tremendous patience and courage, for Kameron's sake. We moved around the furniture (it's pretty cool, his desk is connected to his bed like a bunk bed and it saves quite a bit of space) and I got to chill on his bed for awhile. It brought back memories of my time with Tim in the dorm. His place is set up to share a bathroom with one other room (his suitemates) so his bathroom will probably be much cleaner than my dorm's. Anyway, we had a good time. I think Kameron is really happy to be out of the house and "on his own." He is on his own in many ways, but he still has to depend on my parents for the monetary needs and desires. We all wish him the best of luck and keep him in our prayers and this new chapter of his life begins.
I was fortunate enough to see my friend Kevin (I've known him since I was 2) and his band play on Saturday night after Kameron settled in. It was really very thrilling. I saw many people with whom I had attended church so many years ago when I was in the youth group of Seymour United Methodist Church. I didn't get to speak much with anyone, although, because the place was very small and the music was very loud. AND I forgot to bring my musician's earplugs so I've probably lost some hearing, or I will in the future. Nonetheless, I had a decent time and enjoyed listening to Kevin's songs. I was driving back home that night to drop a friend off at his car, and we had an interesting conversation. Now, I certainly don't want to devalue his opinion, but I thought I would share something that I've been thinking about and struggling with for many a year. I always appreciate my many friends holding me accountable, and this instance was no different. I was told (and I paraphrase, perhaps even inaccurately): "I just don't think you're at the point where you can sit down and talk with people who have very different ideas from you and just be at peace with it. You seem to take personal offense to some things and are just not at that point to where you can agree to disagree. You just shouldn't limit yourself and your friendships to people who think and believe exactly as you do. The way you operate, the way you think, the way you talk and act, Logan, is different from most people (I took this statement as a compliment!), and some of your conversations (we talked about sin and Scripture) are just not applicable. Some people just don't live in that academic world." We debated back and forth for a little while, with some personal examples that I won't divulge. Here was (and is) my basic stance on these broad ideas: 1) Either you believe the Bible is infallible and "applicable," or you believe it is not. I believe it is both of these (both infallible and applicable). The whole "some things are ok, others are not," the "pick and choose" mentality, is another debate, but that's an extremely dangerous road, and I urge Christians to choose faith over a very limited human comprehension. 2) If what I believe is true, a few years on this earth cannot compare with an eternity in Heaven. Heavenly thoughts and actions would seem to hold much more weight. 3) I don't "limit" myself, I am free to choose Christ. Yes, I have friendships and associate with those who are not Christians. Paul says, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." (1 Corinthians 5:9-10) Paul means not to associate with fellow Christians who are living in sin. So, yes, I do hold my Christian brethren to a higher standard. Yes, since we have an agreed standard, I'm going to to pursue developing deep relationships with these brethren. You can only go so far with those that are a) not Christians and b) firmly against what you believe. 4) An argument was made that I have "shunned" people in the past for disagreeing with me. One particular situation was brought up, and I will say this for those who don't know what I'm talking about. It was a mutual hiatus, although it was made reluctantly. It was a good decision. After the hiatus was over, the other party decided that they would no longer pursue my friendship. That's what happened, although I'm sure there are other opinions. I am willing to be anybody's friend, but I will not stop those who don't want to be mine. That's(those are) my stance(s).
I also sat down with Kevin on two different nights and talked about everything under the sun (and above it, too). I really enjoyed our time together. Although we don't see eye-to-eye on many things, we still have a lot in common, and our personalities still seem to mesh pretty well. I wonder if it's always been that way, or we just had profound influences on each other growing up that molded the way we view life. When Kevin and I talk, it always shows me where I'm at in my faith, often times because I have to assess, explain, defend, and compare it on a fairly deep level. I am thankful for the life I've been given and the friends that I have.
Also, and this will probably come in a later post, I received a subscription to a "20s-something Christian" magazine from my grandmother. This entire issue was devoted to why I'm not married. Different articles presented these view points:
1) It's ok that you're not married, you are a good and special person. You just need to prepare yourself for marriage, unless, of course, you're one of those "gifted" persons (those single for life).
2) You're way too picky. I mean, look at yourself. You should consider those less attractive girls that may not agree with you on every little picky theological/Scriptural detail.
3) You're being irresponsible. Marriage and family are the most important relationships you will ever have. Your priorities are messed up. (After being asked, "What about those who seek their Master's degree?"): The Master's degree is just another excuse for putting off responsibility. That's what these 20s-somethings are afraid of: responsibility.
Ooh, good stuff. More on this later.
Saturday was the day we moved Kameron from tiny little Seymour to Clement Hall. It took us FOREVER to get checked in. We met Igor, the RA, and it took very little time to get all of Kam's stuff onto a cart and up into the room. We did have to wait a day und half for the elevators, but we showed tremendous patience and courage, for Kameron's sake. We moved around the furniture (it's pretty cool, his desk is connected to his bed like a bunk bed and it saves quite a bit of space) and I got to chill on his bed for awhile. It brought back memories of my time with Tim in the dorm. His place is set up to share a bathroom with one other room (his suitemates) so his bathroom will probably be much cleaner than my dorm's. Anyway, we had a good time. I think Kameron is really happy to be out of the house and "on his own." He is on his own in many ways, but he still has to depend on my parents for the monetary needs and desires. We all wish him the best of luck and keep him in our prayers and this new chapter of his life begins.
I was fortunate enough to see my friend Kevin (I've known him since I was 2) and his band play on Saturday night after Kameron settled in. It was really very thrilling. I saw many people with whom I had attended church so many years ago when I was in the youth group of Seymour United Methodist Church. I didn't get to speak much with anyone, although, because the place was very small and the music was very loud. AND I forgot to bring my musician's earplugs so I've probably lost some hearing, or I will in the future. Nonetheless, I had a decent time and enjoyed listening to Kevin's songs. I was driving back home that night to drop a friend off at his car, and we had an interesting conversation. Now, I certainly don't want to devalue his opinion, but I thought I would share something that I've been thinking about and struggling with for many a year. I always appreciate my many friends holding me accountable, and this instance was no different. I was told (and I paraphrase, perhaps even inaccurately): "I just don't think you're at the point where you can sit down and talk with people who have very different ideas from you and just be at peace with it. You seem to take personal offense to some things and are just not at that point to where you can agree to disagree. You just shouldn't limit yourself and your friendships to people who think and believe exactly as you do. The way you operate, the way you think, the way you talk and act, Logan, is different from most people (I took this statement as a compliment!), and some of your conversations (we talked about sin and Scripture) are just not applicable. Some people just don't live in that academic world." We debated back and forth for a little while, with some personal examples that I won't divulge. Here was (and is) my basic stance on these broad ideas: 1) Either you believe the Bible is infallible and "applicable," or you believe it is not. I believe it is both of these (both infallible and applicable). The whole "some things are ok, others are not," the "pick and choose" mentality, is another debate, but that's an extremely dangerous road, and I urge Christians to choose faith over a very limited human comprehension. 2) If what I believe is true, a few years on this earth cannot compare with an eternity in Heaven. Heavenly thoughts and actions would seem to hold much more weight. 3) I don't "limit" myself, I am free to choose Christ. Yes, I have friendships and associate with those who are not Christians. Paul says, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." (1 Corinthians 5:9-10) Paul means not to associate with fellow Christians who are living in sin. So, yes, I do hold my Christian brethren to a higher standard. Yes, since we have an agreed standard, I'm going to to pursue developing deep relationships with these brethren. You can only go so far with those that are a) not Christians and b) firmly against what you believe. 4) An argument was made that I have "shunned" people in the past for disagreeing with me. One particular situation was brought up, and I will say this for those who don't know what I'm talking about. It was a mutual hiatus, although it was made reluctantly. It was a good decision. After the hiatus was over, the other party decided that they would no longer pursue my friendship. That's what happened, although I'm sure there are other opinions. I am willing to be anybody's friend, but I will not stop those who don't want to be mine. That's(those are) my stance(s).
I also sat down with Kevin on two different nights and talked about everything under the sun (and above it, too). I really enjoyed our time together. Although we don't see eye-to-eye on many things, we still have a lot in common, and our personalities still seem to mesh pretty well. I wonder if it's always been that way, or we just had profound influences on each other growing up that molded the way we view life. When Kevin and I talk, it always shows me where I'm at in my faith, often times because I have to assess, explain, defend, and compare it on a fairly deep level. I am thankful for the life I've been given and the friends that I have.
Also, and this will probably come in a later post, I received a subscription to a "20s-something Christian" magazine from my grandmother. This entire issue was devoted to why I'm not married. Different articles presented these view points:
1) It's ok that you're not married, you are a good and special person. You just need to prepare yourself for marriage, unless, of course, you're one of those "gifted" persons (those single for life).
2) You're way too picky. I mean, look at yourself. You should consider those less attractive girls that may not agree with you on every little picky theological/Scriptural detail.
3) You're being irresponsible. Marriage and family are the most important relationships you will ever have. Your priorities are messed up. (After being asked, "What about those who seek their Master's degree?"): The Master's degree is just another excuse for putting off responsibility. That's what these 20s-somethings are afraid of: responsibility.
Ooh, good stuff. More on this later.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Quest for the Swing (or Tim the Trailblazer)
It was a hot day in Milton, so hot in fact that I opted for shorts...when I should have worn pants. With but few delays Tim, Cassandra, Sam, Grace, Isaiah, Strider, Scooter, and I trotted gleefully through the front yard toward adventures unknown, although certainly imagined. So began our quasi-hike to find the "watering hole," as Tim called it. Through the dust and gravel we made our way, e'er so slowly (as I said, it was a hot day). It took nigh a minute for the young ones to trek off course, as this trip was a very difficult "Follow the Leader" expedition. I myself found it an arduous task, as we rounded the first bend and took off into a former construction site. "Where are they putting the house?" a genuinely curious Isaiah asked. A question that rang too true. According to Tim (again), they had run out of money, a sad story that I fear inside we shan't dive at the present moment. We came upon our first dead end (one of oh-so-many), as our fearless leader Tim attempted to scale a pile of logs, with the children close behind. A snap of a branch and down went our stumbling trailblazer. Was he hurt?
No, Tim was just resting for a bit, although the path selected was one of folly. We would have to find another way. Fighting through the spider webs and various underbrush, we made our way down the hill to find a dried-up creek bed. No tears were shed, friends, for our troop's steadfast resolve held in the spirit of our courageous forefathers who had once traveled this lonely creek. My confidence began to wane soon after, though. As I watched, helpless at the time, Tim hopped back and forth from one shore to the other, trying to lead us along this forgotten stream. I watched as each young face melted into agony as the poorly chosen steps of our leader occured, sealing each of our own fates. Alas, we trudged ahead, through water, boulder, mud, trees, poison ivy, fern and the thousands of ticks that eagerly awaited a new flap of skin of which they took hold (just ask Cassandra...).
As we made our way through the woods, blazing new trails (as Tim would have us believe) for those to come later, we were forced by the thick foliage to finally cross (for the seventeenth time) to the other side of the creek bed. At this point friends, one wee little tear did begin to form as I looked upon the steep embankment as Tim fumbled his way up. Grace was right behind and as Tim tried to help her along, the ground gave way. Screams erupted from all around and in a slow-motion manner I saw the blood drain from Grace's face as she looked upon her doom. Both she and Tim began to slide down, down, down, into the creek. I now look back, and I don't know if it was shock or some twisted reverence or awe for the power of nature, but we looked upon Tim as he came crashing down. The dust and mud finally settled, and so did my thoughts of Tim as our leader. I would follow this joker no more. I would blaze my own trail.
Cassandra sought out my counsel and wisdom as we kept Tim in sight but followed a much easier, much more accessible and timely path. After what seemed like hours, we finally came upon the end of our journey at long last. The tears now openly flowed as we looked upon a five by five foot long and three feet deep section of the creek that contained approximately ten tadpoles and one very small fish. "Welcome to the Watering Hole," muttered Tim in a smug, condescending tone. "You can see the remnants of the dam here, but somehow the tree for our swing is now bent in the opposite direction." What supernatural forces must be at work here, thought I, to have set the tree not only upright, but bent in the exact opposite direction from the creek. There was no swing, there was no swimming, there was no joy. Oh, the dogs had a good time. I hope you had fun, Scooter. I hope you had tons of fun.
In short, I blame Tim. Next time, I'm in charge. Because when I am in charge, I create laughter and glee, not shame and tears.
(We all had a really good time and it was neat to run around in the woods for awhile. We were sad we didn't get to swing, but Sam got to sit on a bench that belonged to the neighbors. Other than that, nobody got bitten by snakes, and that in itself is reason to celebrate.)
No, Tim was just resting for a bit, although the path selected was one of folly. We would have to find another way. Fighting through the spider webs and various underbrush, we made our way down the hill to find a dried-up creek bed. No tears were shed, friends, for our troop's steadfast resolve held in the spirit of our courageous forefathers who had once traveled this lonely creek. My confidence began to wane soon after, though. As I watched, helpless at the time, Tim hopped back and forth from one shore to the other, trying to lead us along this forgotten stream. I watched as each young face melted into agony as the poorly chosen steps of our leader occured, sealing each of our own fates. Alas, we trudged ahead, through water, boulder, mud, trees, poison ivy, fern and the thousands of ticks that eagerly awaited a new flap of skin of which they took hold (just ask Cassandra...).
As we made our way through the woods, blazing new trails (as Tim would have us believe) for those to come later, we were forced by the thick foliage to finally cross (for the seventeenth time) to the other side of the creek bed. At this point friends, one wee little tear did begin to form as I looked upon the steep embankment as Tim fumbled his way up. Grace was right behind and as Tim tried to help her along, the ground gave way. Screams erupted from all around and in a slow-motion manner I saw the blood drain from Grace's face as she looked upon her doom. Both she and Tim began to slide down, down, down, into the creek. I now look back, and I don't know if it was shock or some twisted reverence or awe for the power of nature, but we looked upon Tim as he came crashing down. The dust and mud finally settled, and so did my thoughts of Tim as our leader. I would follow this joker no more. I would blaze my own trail.
Cassandra sought out my counsel and wisdom as we kept Tim in sight but followed a much easier, much more accessible and timely path. After what seemed like hours, we finally came upon the end of our journey at long last. The tears now openly flowed as we looked upon a five by five foot long and three feet deep section of the creek that contained approximately ten tadpoles and one very small fish. "Welcome to the Watering Hole," muttered Tim in a smug, condescending tone. "You can see the remnants of the dam here, but somehow the tree for our swing is now bent in the opposite direction." What supernatural forces must be at work here, thought I, to have set the tree not only upright, but bent in the exact opposite direction from the creek. There was no swing, there was no swimming, there was no joy. Oh, the dogs had a good time. I hope you had fun, Scooter. I hope you had tons of fun.
In short, I blame Tim. Next time, I'm in charge. Because when I am in charge, I create laughter and glee, not shame and tears.
(We all had a really good time and it was neat to run around in the woods for awhile. We were sad we didn't get to swing, but Sam got to sit on a bench that belonged to the neighbors. Other than that, nobody got bitten by snakes, and that in itself is reason to celebrate.)
Monday, July 21, 2008
The American Dream
I've always been a big believer in capitalism. I've always thought hard work was a great thing. I still think it is. I think capitalism, for the most part, tends to work in large societies where the consumer is smart enough to take control of the free enterprise system. Here is what I'm coming to realize: desire and ambition are not bad things, but without these pointed toward God they can create much evil. I used to get upset thinking about the future. I have so many dreams, so many ambitious yearnings for success that I thought that there were many, many good things that could get in the way of an American dream. In my college education, my professors have posed a very realistic question: children or career? Professional musician or teacher? Open to music or open to my quack religious beliefs?
I made a decision several years back (now I know I didn't know what I was getting into, and I probably still don't) to follow Christ, to take up His cross and follow Him. I'm sitting at work right now, and some things are starting to creep into my mind and my heart. When I made that decision, I laid down my life. It's no longer mine to live. What a freedom I have now. I can go out and fail multiple times over and not become a great composer and not become a great conductor and maybe only touch a few lives with the music in which I'm involved. It's up to me to make wise decisions, to align my life with Christ's, to follow Him. He carries the burden of my "successful" life. I don't have to be scared in the future or now. I don't have to worry about my professors' narrow-minded, absolute statements of fear. God has ordained my days, and nothing can get in the way of plans for me. Whatever may come, be it a life of poverty and suffering or fame, or even both, I trust in my God to define the idea of success. I no longer want to pursue the American dream. I want something so much bigger. I want to pursue a heavenly dream, one that God counts as worthy.
I made a decision several years back (now I know I didn't know what I was getting into, and I probably still don't) to follow Christ, to take up His cross and follow Him. I'm sitting at work right now, and some things are starting to creep into my mind and my heart. When I made that decision, I laid down my life. It's no longer mine to live. What a freedom I have now. I can go out and fail multiple times over and not become a great composer and not become a great conductor and maybe only touch a few lives with the music in which I'm involved. It's up to me to make wise decisions, to align my life with Christ's, to follow Him. He carries the burden of my "successful" life. I don't have to be scared in the future or now. I don't have to worry about my professors' narrow-minded, absolute statements of fear. God has ordained my days, and nothing can get in the way of plans for me. Whatever may come, be it a life of poverty and suffering or fame, or even both, I trust in my God to define the idea of success. I no longer want to pursue the American dream. I want something so much bigger. I want to pursue a heavenly dream, one that God counts as worthy.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Psalm 139
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,' Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand When I awake, I am still with You. O that You would slay the wicked, O God; Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed. For they speak against You wickedly, And Your enemies take Your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." (NASB)
This is one of my very favorite psalms and passages of Scripture. I led a discussion last week in a Bible Study on how this psalm speaks to the nature of God and the nature of man. The name of this blog is based on verse 14, which most manuscripts say that I, a human, am fearfully and wonderfully made. Finding my identity, which we as beings strive so hard to do, emanates from the idea that I am one of God's wonderful works, that I am a creation, some may go so far as to say a piece of art, that God has woven. Unlike creations that we aspire to, unlike the art we know, man is not entirely separate from his Creator. We are never alone. We cannot run from God, no matter if we accept His invitation or deny His existence. He is omnipresent and although I admit that sometimes this scares me, it is quite comforting to know that He never leaves me. That like a sheep or a young child, my Shepherd and Father continues to watch and mold me. Not only that, but God has my ordained days written to His knowledge. This is one of those things that I can't grasp. I think this falls under the "knowledge" that the psalmist claims to high for [us] such as we cannot attain to it.
I've been going to an Associate Reformed Presbyterian church for almost a year and a half now, and unlike my Baptist background, to my knowledge their theology focuses on the "elect" and some ideas of predestination. I have no problem with this; this psalm in particular confirms such knowledge as do other Scriptures. I am reluctant to go as far as many of my trusted and authoritative Christian brothers and sisters in these ideas as to blend God's omniscient wisdom and understanding with human reasoning to come with absolute statements. I'm still traveling on this journey and I hope to grow into more understanding of all these things.
The language of darkness and light, the ideas of the two being the same to God, and the knowledge that justice will be done ultimately, totally, in the end are more traits of God's character. The psalmist's vow of "utmost hatred" toward the enemies of God is a more difficult passage. Some translations read "perfect hatred" and create an interesting debate in our PC world about what righteous indignation may look like. I'm not totally sure, and as a friend suggested, the last two verses may suggest that the previous passage of hate and enemies could be a fleshly writing. In any circumstance, I pray that God would search me and know me and inform me of my wayward longings and journeys.
I'm going to attempt this psalm to music. Most likely it will be acapella, SATB choir and more tonal than some works in the past have been. I was going to finish it by the end of this month and enter into a competition, but that's going to happen. Financial circumstances have found me without a membership into the ACDA (American Choral Directors Association), so it will have to be another time. I want so badly to communicate through the composition process, and it's such an overwhelming feeling to see that communication through performance (it's only happened once), but it's so difficult and such a draining process. I only hope that it can bring me closer to my family and my God. I pray that He would empty me of my unrighteous desires and create a new Spirit in me.
This is one of my very favorite psalms and passages of Scripture. I led a discussion last week in a Bible Study on how this psalm speaks to the nature of God and the nature of man. The name of this blog is based on verse 14, which most manuscripts say that I, a human, am fearfully and wonderfully made. Finding my identity, which we as beings strive so hard to do, emanates from the idea that I am one of God's wonderful works, that I am a creation, some may go so far as to say a piece of art, that God has woven. Unlike creations that we aspire to, unlike the art we know, man is not entirely separate from his Creator. We are never alone. We cannot run from God, no matter if we accept His invitation or deny His existence. He is omnipresent and although I admit that sometimes this scares me, it is quite comforting to know that He never leaves me. That like a sheep or a young child, my Shepherd and Father continues to watch and mold me. Not only that, but God has my ordained days written to His knowledge. This is one of those things that I can't grasp. I think this falls under the "knowledge" that the psalmist claims to high for [us] such as we cannot attain to it.
I've been going to an Associate Reformed Presbyterian church for almost a year and a half now, and unlike my Baptist background, to my knowledge their theology focuses on the "elect" and some ideas of predestination. I have no problem with this; this psalm in particular confirms such knowledge as do other Scriptures. I am reluctant to go as far as many of my trusted and authoritative Christian brothers and sisters in these ideas as to blend God's omniscient wisdom and understanding with human reasoning to come with absolute statements. I'm still traveling on this journey and I hope to grow into more understanding of all these things.
The language of darkness and light, the ideas of the two being the same to God, and the knowledge that justice will be done ultimately, totally, in the end are more traits of God's character. The psalmist's vow of "utmost hatred" toward the enemies of God is a more difficult passage. Some translations read "perfect hatred" and create an interesting debate in our PC world about what righteous indignation may look like. I'm not totally sure, and as a friend suggested, the last two verses may suggest that the previous passage of hate and enemies could be a fleshly writing. In any circumstance, I pray that God would search me and know me and inform me of my wayward longings and journeys.
I'm going to attempt this psalm to music. Most likely it will be acapella, SATB choir and more tonal than some works in the past have been. I was going to finish it by the end of this month and enter into a competition, but that's going to happen. Financial circumstances have found me without a membership into the ACDA (American Choral Directors Association), so it will have to be another time. I want so badly to communicate through the composition process, and it's such an overwhelming feeling to see that communication through performance (it's only happened once), but it's so difficult and such a draining process. I only hope that it can bring me closer to my family and my God. I pray that He would empty me of my unrighteous desires and create a new Spirit in me.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Very First Post
I don't care for Xanga a'tall. That is why I'm posting here now, and I hope to do such posting more regularly. I really can't stand people who post all their problems online, so I hope to just share with some family and friends some honest sharing and questions about my walk with Christ. I may share some musical thoughts now and again as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
