Psalm 139

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,' Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand When I awake, I am still with You. O that You would slay the wicked, O God; Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed. For they speak against You wickedly, And Your enemies take Your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way." (NASB)

This is one of my very favorite psalms and passages of Scripture. I led a discussion last week in a Bible Study on how this psalm speaks to the nature of God and the nature of man. The name of this blog is based on verse 14, which most manuscripts say that I, a human, am fearfully and wonderfully made. Finding my identity, which we as beings strive so hard to do, emanates from the idea that I am one of God's wonderful works, that I am a creation, some may go so far as to say a piece of art, that God has woven. Unlike creations that we aspire to, unlike the art we know, man is not entirely separate from his Creator. We are never alone. We cannot run from God, no matter if we accept His invitation or deny His existence. He is omnipresent and although I admit that sometimes this scares me, it is quite comforting to know that He never leaves me. That like a sheep or a young child, my Shepherd and Father continues to watch and mold me. Not only that, but God has my ordained days written to His knowledge. This is one of those things that I can't grasp. I think this falls under the "knowledge" that the psalmist claims to high for [us] such as we cannot attain to it.

I've been going to an Associate Reformed Presbyterian church for almost a year and a half now, and unlike my Baptist background, to my knowledge their theology focuses on the "elect" and some ideas of predestination. I have no problem with this; this psalm in particular confirms such knowledge as do other Scriptures. I am reluctant to go as far as many of my trusted and authoritative Christian brothers and sisters in these ideas as to blend God's omniscient wisdom and understanding with human reasoning to come with absolute statements. I'm still traveling on this journey and I hope to grow into more understanding of all these things.

The language of darkness and light, the ideas of the two being the same to God, and the knowledge that justice will be done ultimately, totally, in the end are more traits of God's character. The psalmist's vow of "utmost hatred" toward the enemies of God is a more difficult passage. Some translations read "perfect hatred" and create an interesting debate in our PC world about what righteous indignation may look like. I'm not totally sure, and as a friend suggested, the last two verses may suggest that the previous passage of hate and enemies could be a fleshly writing. In any circumstance, I pray that God would search me and know me and inform me of my wayward longings and journeys.

I'm going to attempt this psalm to music. Most likely it will be acapella, SATB choir and more tonal than some works in the past have been. I was going to finish it by the end of this month and enter into a competition, but that's going to happen. Financial circumstances have found me without a membership into the ACDA (American Choral Directors Association), so it will have to be another time. I want so badly to communicate through the composition process, and it's such an overwhelming feeling to see that communication through performance (it's only happened once), but it's so difficult and such a draining process. I only hope that it can bring me closer to my family and my God. I pray that He would empty me of my unrighteous desires and create a new Spirit in me.