Comps Are Over! (And I'm Still Burned Out)

I finished up my comprehensive exams on Monday. It took me 7 hours to write 19 pages of text and 5 pages of analysis. No lunch break, I just brought a bunch of bananas and crackers and it got me through. It was about as close to torture as one can get. They stick you down in an "Isolation Booth" in the basement of the School of Music. There is only one fluorescent light in that tiny room, and it makes you want to rake your eyes out in a very Oedipus Rex fashion. Nonetheless, I made it eyes intact, although probably severly damaged for staring at a glaring computer for so long. Dr. Young is supposed to read through my exam today, and hopefully I'll know pretty soon how I did and if it is sufficient. I felt okay about it, there were a few things I could have done better. Ohime!

I am so ready to be done with school. I am frustrated with it and I'm tired of stupid (but probably useful) conducting exercises, I'm tired of voice lessons, I'm tired of rehearsal after rehearsal after rehearsal for music about which nobody cares. I'm burned out on making art. I want to be in a place where music is used for more than just art. I made that abundantly clear in my comps, too. I hope they don't rip me apart for my over-zealously Christian answers. Oh well, perhaps if suffering should come I can draw closer to Christ.

Times like these help me to focus on Philippians 4:1: "Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, my beloved." The Amplified Bible says "my delight and crown (wreath of victory)." It reminds me that I'm not alone, and that I do have friends, a community of believers, the Church that I can put on as a wreath of victory. Sometimes I get trapped inside myself and I can't see beyond it. I become very selfish and not only do I not see other people's problems, but I don't see the solutions to my own standing right in front of me, in the form of my church family (all 2 billion of them...give or take a couple million). I'm silly sometimes.

Easter is coming up this week, and it will be nice to have Good Friday off from school. I can't wait for school to be over. Blessed be that, day, e'er so literally.