"Oh, you're single? What a tragedy!"

Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians, after explaining some pitfalls and concessions of marriage:

"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion..." (this next part talks about marriage/divorce of believers and unbelievers, an important topic but not entirely relevant to this post) "...Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord's freedman; likewise he who wa scalled while free, is Christ's slave. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not posess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things fo the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the thing sof the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 5:7-9, 18-40)

This is a tough passage of Scripture. Obviously, a good portion of this Paul talks about "[his] opinion." It's one of the few times that I can actually see myself arguing with Paul, as he admits his bias and uses it in his language (v. 37 especially). Sure, we have to take into account that Paul is kind of on his own personal soapbox here. We also have to consider the cultural stipulations in this context (the fathers giving away their virgin daughters and such). Obviously, the church in Corinth was having some issues with this topic. So how do I approach it? Well, I really don't know. One thing is for sure: I can't ignore it; I can't just toss this particular passage away. Admittedly, Paul "also [has] the Spirit of God." None can deny. So, what then? How do I apply these tidbits from a guy genuinely interested in my well-being (as a member of the universal church)?

Well, I'll tell you this much. It seems as though I go home for a week, and now a new standard has been set. When I would talk to my mom on the phone it used to be: 1) How's school?, 2) How's your health?, and 3) How's the finances?. Well, they're all ok, but number 4 has now been added: 4) What about that girl?. Well, folks, there is no girl, and then the follow up questions come. Oh, there could be a girl. I've had several offers, though most were not directly from the female in question. My guess is that yes, there could be a girl, but probably not for very long. Ah, well. I suppose I'm just venting some frustrations. If I had a son (whoa, slow down) I'd probably say the same things. "So, son, failed to woo a woman, eh?" That's exactly what I'd say. I guess my parents are just nice about it.

I do think a lifetime of celibacy is a gift. I think a lifetime of marriage is a gift. I think grace is an amazing gift. I think every single day, every breath in which my intercostals pull back and forth on my ribcage allowing air to rush in and out of my lungs is a gift. However, like so many gifts, I'm not sure that everyone who has it knows it. I'm also not sure that, just like everything else, you have to be 100% sure (or even 37%, for that matter) if you want to prepare for that kind of life. By the way, what is the difference between preparing for singlehood and preparing for marriage? How does that differ from constantly seeking God through the Word and loving other people? If it's alright with everyone, I'm going to work on my other issues (you have MORE?), like living my faith out through works, as James suggests. If marriage does come up anytime soon (and please don't get me wrong, I really would love to share my life with a woman who is after God's heart, I have no fleshly desire to be single, and if I've got "the gift" I am completely unaware), I'll pull out my Joshua Harris books once again (if anyone is prepared for courtship, I better be number 1) and try that whole thing once again. Well, with that said, I'll leave you with the thoughts of Rich Mullins (I don't think he realized that he had "the gift" either):

"It's one of the things I love about being single, everybody always goes, 'Oh, you're single? What a tragedy!' And I'm kind of like, 'Well, yeah, you know, from about 10-2 every evening it is a tragedy, but that time is a tragedy for most married people as well.' One of the great advantages of being single is you can still pick up hitchhikers. If you're married, you don't wanna get, you know, slit or anything, so you gotta, cause you got a family to support. If you're single and you die it doesn't really matter, so you're free to do anything you want to do. I love that!"

Reflections from a Tennessean turned North Carolinian on visiting Tennessee

My brother Kameron is a freshman at the University of Tennessee. That's a pretty tough statement to swallow. He's off going to class, taking harder classes than I'll ever have to take (ugh..chemistry...although he's never experienced graduate research methods...fun!). He is a nursing major from what I can tell, and he eventually wants to be that guy that puts you to sleep during surgery. From what we know, these people make some pretty good money. His first day was yesterday, and as I saw him on Facebook earlier, he survived. Hopefully I'll get his thoughts on college later. He let me walk around with him on campus this past Tuesday, and we had a pretty good time. I saw the buildings and some of the classrooms where he has class. Actually, his psychology class is where I auditioned at UT for an opera assistantship (I ended up staying at UNCG). His campus is much bigger than mine, so his adventures should be great, although most likely unsafe. But where is the adventure, truly yea, without the danger?

Saturday was the day we moved Kameron from tiny little Seymour to Clement Hall. It took us FOREVER to get checked in. We met Igor, the RA, and it took very little time to get all of Kam's stuff onto a cart and up into the room. We did have to wait a day und half for the elevators, but we showed tremendous patience and courage, for Kameron's sake. We moved around the furniture (it's pretty cool, his desk is connected to his bed like a bunk bed and it saves quite a bit of space) and I got to chill on his bed for awhile. It brought back memories of my time with Tim in the dorm. His place is set up to share a bathroom with one other room (his suitemates) so his bathroom will probably be much cleaner than my dorm's. Anyway, we had a good time. I think Kameron is really happy to be out of the house and "on his own." He is on his own in many ways, but he still has to depend on my parents for the monetary needs and desires. We all wish him the best of luck and keep him in our prayers and this new chapter of his life begins.

I was fortunate enough to see my friend Kevin (I've known him since I was 2) and his band play on Saturday night after Kameron settled in. It was really very thrilling. I saw many people with whom I had attended church so many years ago when I was in the youth group of Seymour United Methodist Church. I didn't get to speak much with anyone, although, because the place was very small and the music was very loud. AND I forgot to bring my musician's earplugs so I've probably lost some hearing, or I will in the future. Nonetheless, I had a decent time and enjoyed listening to Kevin's songs. I was driving back home that night to drop a friend off at his car, and we had an interesting conversation. Now, I certainly don't want to devalue his opinion, but I thought I would share something that I've been thinking about and struggling with for many a year. I always appreciate my many friends holding me accountable, and this instance was no different. I was told (and I paraphrase, perhaps even inaccurately): "I just don't think you're at the point where you can sit down and talk with people who have very different ideas from you and just be at peace with it. You seem to take personal offense to some things and are just not at that point to where you can agree to disagree. You just shouldn't limit yourself and your friendships to people who think and believe exactly as you do. The way you operate, the way you think, the way you talk and act, Logan, is different from most people (I took this statement as a compliment!), and some of your conversations (we talked about sin and Scripture) are just not applicable. Some people just don't live in that academic world." We debated back and forth for a little while, with some personal examples that I won't divulge. Here was (and is) my basic stance on these broad ideas: 1) Either you believe the Bible is infallible and "applicable," or you believe it is not. I believe it is both of these (both infallible and applicable). The whole "some things are ok, others are not," the "pick and choose" mentality, is another debate, but that's an extremely dangerous road, and I urge Christians to choose faith over a very limited human comprehension. 2) If what I believe is true, a few years on this earth cannot compare with an eternity in Heaven. Heavenly thoughts and actions would seem to hold much more weight. 3) I don't "limit" myself, I am free to choose Christ. Yes, I have friendships and associate with those who are not Christians. Paul says, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." (1 Corinthians 5:9-10) Paul means not to associate with fellow Christians who are living in sin. So, yes, I do hold my Christian brethren to a higher standard. Yes, since we have an agreed standard, I'm going to to pursue developing deep relationships with these brethren. You can only go so far with those that are a) not Christians and b) firmly against what you believe. 4) An argument was made that I have "shunned" people in the past for disagreeing with me. One particular situation was brought up, and I will say this for those who don't know what I'm talking about. It was a mutual hiatus, although it was made reluctantly. It was a good decision. After the hiatus was over, the other party decided that they would no longer pursue my friendship. That's what happened, although I'm sure there are other opinions. I am willing to be anybody's friend, but I will not stop those who don't want to be mine. That's(those are) my stance(s).

I also sat down with Kevin on two different nights and talked about everything under the sun (and above it, too). I really enjoyed our time together. Although we don't see eye-to-eye on many things, we still have a lot in common, and our personalities still seem to mesh pretty well. I wonder if it's always been that way, or we just had profound influences on each other growing up that molded the way we view life. When Kevin and I talk, it always shows me where I'm at in my faith, often times because I have to assess, explain, defend, and compare it on a fairly deep level. I am thankful for the life I've been given and the friends that I have.

Also, and this will probably come in a later post, I received a subscription to a "20s-something Christian" magazine from my grandmother. This entire issue was devoted to why I'm not married. Different articles presented these view points:

1) It's ok that you're not married, you are a good and special person. You just need to prepare yourself for marriage, unless, of course, you're one of those "gifted" persons (those single for life).

2) You're way too picky. I mean, look at yourself. You should consider those less attractive girls that may not agree with you on every little picky theological/Scriptural detail.

3) You're being irresponsible. Marriage and family are the most important relationships you will ever have. Your priorities are messed up. (After being asked, "What about those who seek their Master's degree?"): The Master's degree is just another excuse for putting off responsibility. That's what these 20s-somethings are afraid of: responsibility.

Ooh, good stuff. More on this later.